Women are often curious about their own sexuality and don’t really know how or where to learn more. Oftentimes, they are embarrassed if they have trouble reaching orgasms and simply accept their difficulties. Luckily, sex therapists like myself are here to help you navigate the world of information out there. With just a few key resources you can gain a world of knowledge, skills and experiences! Here are my favourite resources (books followed by sex toys):
1. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
This book is my favourite when it comes to women’s sexuality. It explains the science of female sexuality drawing on newest researched models (not those from the 70s like some other books do!). The book explains female sexuality in easy to understand and empowering way. It also has some practical sections on improving one’s sex life and improving orgasms. If you’ve read it and you’re hungry for more there is even a Workbook! Get both! Highly recommended!
2. Becoming Orgasmic
This one is a classic! It’s an entire book centered on how to learn to achieve orgasms, if you haven’t learned it so far. Don’t expect your partner to know your body better than you do – it’s your job to learn what feels good and use that knowledge to find pleasure by yourself or with a partner. It touches on the mental, cultural and physical aspects of self-discovery and offers very practical tips on how to reach an orgasm.
3. For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality
This is another classic. It covers similar topics as the one before (how to become orgasmic is the main theme) and it offers hands-on instructions on how to do it. Unlike the other books this one also has a portion on how to work with your partner. It’s written from a heteronormative point of view so it may not be the number one choice for every woman out there.
Now that you’ve chosen the best book on exploring your sexuality and/or achieving orgasms you may want to explore some tools for the job. The internet is full of advice on what works and how fast in terms of sexual stimulation and provoking an orgasm. It’s hard to choose from the variety of products given their different descriptions and wide price range. Women often ask me for advice on what to use and of course I have to say it’s a personal choice and they may want to try more than one type of a sexual toy to see what works for them, however there are some products of which I’ve heard positive reviews.
This one represents a new generation of vibrators that has been getting a lot of attention in the last few years. Why? When most people think of vibrators they think of dildo for penetration to simulate penile-vaginal intercourse. There is nothing wrong with that except most women don’t reach orgasms through penetration anyway and they use their vibrators to stimulate the vulva and clitoris just as much or even more than the vagina itself! The Satisfyer capitalizes on that and uses pulsation to stimulate the clitoris directly using just the right amount of air pressure. The manufacturer claims it can bring a woman to an orgasm in under a minute and most women are dubious of that… and yet, when they come back to sex therapy they tell me it actually can work that fast! Try it out and see for yourself.
2. LELO Sona
It’s a sex toy designed to bring pleasure to women through clitoral stimulation, much like the Satisfyer. It’s waterproof, rechargeable and comes in 3 colours. What’s not to like?!
Are you interested in learning more? Do you have questions you’d like answered about female sexuality or orgasms? Reach out! I am always happy to engage in a fun and empowering conversation.